“If only I could go back to who I was”, Sana thought, looking at the steps behind in the sand. Something made her stop, she stepped on an oyster. As she bent down to pick, she was inundated by the memories.
Two years ago, Kabir took her for a romantic picnic at the beach on a moonlit night. They were sitting on a rock when he began to play with the waves and after a minute, exclaimed “Oh! Look what I found”. It was an oyster. “There could be a pearl inside, who knows?” , he said with a mischievous smile. She smiled back and opened the shells. “O my god! There really is something glittery inside. Hey! It’s a ring” she said. “How did it get in there?” She looked at him, he was smiling and then it struck her, it’s a proposal. She screamed ” Oh my god! Yes yes! A thousand times yes”. He laughed “Let me ask first”.
She came back from her reverie. Since then a lot had changed. She didn’t feel like the same person that she used to be. She sat down and tried to find the trail of the past.
She inhaled as deep as she could. She didn’t know what to feel, numbness struck again. “Why was it so difficult?”, She asked herself. She didn’t have the answer. The thousands of questions and not one acceptable answer. She didn’t need him, then why did she care if he wasn’t there. Was the complication worth anything? Was it worth all the pain and misery? How did she land here, again? She wanted to blame him, the circumstances, the past, the reality. But she knew it wasn’t true- what was the truth then? She reminded herself, “right and wrong were muddy..” But who was she fooling- it was clear, crystal clear. She knew she should have stopped while she could. Now there was no looking back. Or so she thought. Did she really care? She did and didn’t.
The complication didn’t arise from nowhere. She had allowed it or welcomed it with open arms. She created it. Why was the forbidden fruit always so tempting? The answer lied in history. She was too tired to look back and trace its trail. “Let it be”, she left it on fate, on destiny- something she never believed in. But now, it felt convenient- to leave it to fate for a while and do nothing. She let the oyster fall. She moved on without looking back to see whether the sand engulfed it or eschewed it, leaving another footprint trail behind.
(c) 2017 Priya U Bajpai
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