Today is my wedding day. In my mom’s words, her little Sara looks like ‘a vision in white wedding dress’. I glide down the helix staircase of the Loretto Chapel. I can’t believe I am getting married at the miraculous chapel. It’s 6 pm which aligns perfectly with the sunset in this month of September. My hands tremble, I wonder if anyone can notice that I’m nervous. I am going to spend the rest of my life with Peter. I don’t know if I am ready for it. Yet, when he proposed, I answered ‘yes’. Perhaps, I said ‘yes’ because I couldn’t say no.
I chose Peonies for my wedding bouquet as they are perfect flowers for a wedding-symbolizing happiness. That reminds me, I forgot the bouquet in the dressing room. I run along the spiral stairs. I feel dizzy. Oh God! what was the need for this spiral design. I realize I am not supposed to run on the stairs. I vividly remember seeing a staircase like this when I was a child. I used to slide down the hand bars all the way down. My Mother would reprimand me, but my father would just wink. My father always made me feel special, whenever my mom would scold me, he used to make funny faces to make me laugh. He couldn’t see me being scolded. Today I have to walk down the aisle, without my father.
The staircase seems to be never-ending. I run up the case- gasping, I feel giddy. I run faster and faster. My heels are killing me. I want to take off the heels and throw them away. As if they hear me cursing them, I tumble and I fall. I don’t stumble over the steps but fall freely from the height. My body feels the thump. Someone opens the door of the chapel just at that time- sunlight floods inside. I close my eyes as the rays blind me.
I open my eyes. I have fallen off the bed all dressed in my white bridal gown, which I tried last night and slept in. My eyes are wet, seems I have been crying in my dreams once again. I wish to meet my father someday and ask him why he abandoned us? Why isn’t he the same father I see in my dreams?
It’s my wedding day and I will be walking down the aisle, without a father.
(c) 2018 Priya U Bajpai